Issue 4 Contents


Mailbag - Politics

Subject: letter to solomon
Date: Fri, 13 Sept 1996 10:30:34 GMT

Dear Mr. counts,
The following is the text of an e-mail I've recently sent to Gerry Solomon (R-NY), powerful chairman of the House Rules Commitee.

Dear Gerry,

Ijust had to write you after I saw you going at that pointy-headed little Kennedy kid on C-span. Thanks for showing the whole country that all of us Yankees aren't Bible-burning gun haters. Tell your wife to stay on lock and load and don't take any crap from the leftists. She's just protecting hersel while your in Washington doing God's work.

It's like Charlie Norwood from Georgia said: it's not the guns that murder people. If murderers didn't kill with guns, they'd kill with knives. Can you imagine what our cities would be like if the liberals >succeeded in getting all the guns off the street? Random stabbings, Knives flying everywhere, drive-by spearchuckings. Does that sound safe to you?

This all got me to thinking and, with you guys trying to get the nations fiscal house in order, why are we still outfitting our G.I.s with expensive assault weapons when machetes would obviously just as effective? And think of how knives could be used to save money on more expensive weapons systems. Can you imagine the Iraqis trying to hide from a hail of Ginsus? Or the entire continent of Asia covered in a cloud of inexpensive cutlery? I'm sure we have enough American know-how to put together an Intercontinental Ballistic Dart Gun. Please wrie me and tell me what you think. And send me a picture of your wife with her gun.

Rev. G. McStretchy

Inexplicably I have yet to hear from Mr. Solomon or see any evidence that he has acted upon my advice. Subsequently I will leave it to you to design the Intercontinental Ballisrtic Dart Gun, in your own particular..Er....idiom