Issue 4 Contents


The Imposters

The following you're about to hear is the truth. I personally experienced it. Because of the nature of the situation, I cannot give out names, including my own - I could get arrested. Sit back ladies and gentleman, your about to listen to a story about two liars, Rock and Roll, and the mindless humans who pray to media and entertainment.

Episode 1: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Cleveland, Ohio - Summer 1996

First let's premise the story...there's three of us that were involved in this 'caper.' We all have known each other for at least 10 years. There are two brothers (age 27 and 25) and myself (age 26). The two brothers currently live and work in Cleveland where I grew up.

Historically speaking, the brothers are known liars. They have been lying since they were five when they were hooked on rumors. In fact, they come from a family of liars; I have seen his father and mother lie to each other, their children, and the public, sometimes for no discernable reason. The two brothers were bred to lie and lie they do and probably always will.

Up until now the worst thing that they have suffered for a lie is a lost job. To my knowledge, they have not been jailed or beaten as a result of their lies, despite having done it so often for such a long time. My only analysis at that time is that they have built their personalities around false pretenses. I wonder if they have any idea who they really are.

On to the story. I visited Cleveland to get a break from the new york city summer. The brothers Liesnakov and I decided to visit the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame. It's in our home town for christ-sakes. Because of some bizarre Liesn akov scheduling, Elder Liesnakov had to take a seperate car. We didn't see Elder.


We decided to purchase tickets before he came in order to assure our entrance. Unfortunately, the price of admission was $13.00 and a bit too much for the younger brother. We decided to 'page' (beeper) the older brother to see where he was at and what we should do (I needed to make sure I had a ride home). We then went to the public phones in the Rock Hall (inside and downstairs) to make the call


Here's when the lies begin. The brothers finally got a hold of one another -- apparently Elder Liesnokov was at a pay phone outside the Hall. The younger brother then waved me over to the phone. 'OK, I'm the representative from the agency and [omitted to protect myself] is the soundman?'. I paused -- what did I just hear? I knew what was going to happen. Young Liesnakov says 'We're in.' I was frozen -- I knew they were going to pull something and I did not want to be a part of it. I just wanted to pay the $13.00 and see the pathetic sites. Next I hear, "OK follow our leads, and we'll be in for free..." The younger brother and I take the escalator up to the main entrance.

Apparently, Elder went into the Rock Hall and, without even thinking about, posed as the tour manager of George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars. He realized the entrance fee was exhorbiant and wanted to get in free. He knew P-funk was going to be playing in Cleveland in about 5 days, he knew he had some fake backstage passes, and he knew that he could make the poor workers of the Hall believe story (The workers at the Hall make shitty cash -- the only reason they work there is to 'be around' stars and to be "in" the entertainment business. Meanwhile, they're working for minimum wages. Totally lost people.) We came up the escalator at the perfect time -- he was giving his story to a security guard and we (the soundman and the representative from the agency) arrived - what could be better? To smooth out his story he was giving away tickets to this upcoming show - tickets he didn't have ('you'll be on the band's guest list'). The reason these two are so good at lying is because of their guiltless confidence -- they look at everyone in the eye, say everything with conviction and have their story straight. In order to get the wrist-band needed to get in the hall, we had to go to the Curators office....

By this time, the brothers are giving away tickets left and right. To my estimation they took people's names and numbers for about 16 tickets. From the security guard to a secretary - 16! We met with one of the marketing directors -- she was almost out of her head when she heard representatives from the P-funk All-stars were present. She happened to be black and about 40 years old - and obviously easily thrilled by the prospect of the p-funk. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears when I was in this office - (I had to hide in the corner). I saw these two brothers executing a lie perfectly and I saw these poor saps at the Hall believing an exceptionally flimsy story -- we didn't look like anybody -- we all dressed casual: jeans, etc) and the older brother had his fake back stage passes around his neck. Who do I feel worse for, the brothers McLiars, or the bored, lonely Clevelanders who wait for shit like this to happen in their lives?

We not only acquired the wristbands in the office but we were given an 'assistant' to follow us around to make sure that our visit was comfortable. In addition the marketing director said that the chief curator - Jim Henke - was anxious to offer to personally give George Clinton a tour when and if he visited the museum. Unbelievable.

The next 45 minutes were torturing for me. I was convinced I would be arrested, I couldn't pay attention to the exhibits, and what I did see totally sucked. I was sweating. Meanwhile, the brothers were happy-ass-campers running from exhibit to exhibit, not even acknowledging what they had done! They kept asking me 'what's wrong?'. I'm like, I can't enjoy Bill Haley while I'm thinking about being in a jail cell for fraud.

As our tour began to wind down .... We headed up to the 5th floor where 'The Hall of Fame' was located. It was pathetic and it made my stomach ache even more. We headed back downstairs and we ran into that Marketing Director again. She wanted to thank us for coming and wanted to know what we thought -- including our opinion of the P-Funk display. And here's the capper -- this woman asked if George would do an interview at the end of the week! Apparently, an 'ABC' affiliate was coming in to do somefeatures on Levert as well as Bones, Thugs, and Harmony, etc. Again, I was shocked. The older brother smoothly directed her to 'the offices in NYC', because 'Unfortunately, that's just not my realm.' He gave her a fake business card that he carries with him listing info about his 'entertainment and production company' and we were on our way.

On the way out, nearly everyone we met coming in waved good-bye to us -- the security guard, the secretaries, the coat lady, and the assistant. They still all believed we were something we were not. Most of these people would be going to that P-funk show with their girlfriends and their boyfriends only to find no tickets waiting for them at the will-call window. The brothers were planning on going to that same show. I asked them what would happen if they saw any of those people there. They simply said 'Fuck 'em, we're going in through the stage door. We're not like those losers, we actually live the life they wish they had. Who's going to party with George? We are.' This episode ends, and another begins...