Issue 3 Contents


Mike Makes His Election Picks


--Jann Wenner for President--

I've been pondering the American political situation since Counts, Lizzy, and I drove all over New Hampshire looking for candidates to bother, and I've come to a few conclusions.

1. Pat Buchanan may look like a serious threat now, but he will never be able to win. His Reich Wing ideas will kill him, not the media.

2. Steve Forbs will try to buy as many votes as possible, and he has a chance if he keeps his rotten mug out of his millions of dollars worth of advertising.

3. Bob Dole is a feeble threat trying to split the middle and sneak in. He figures this is owed to him by the Republican Party. As long as the other candidates keep him tagged as "Mr. No-New-Ideas" he'll go nowhere. He is their best bet thoug h.

4. Lamar Alexander will keep plugging and praying until his money runs out. If he ever gets to the convention in San Diego his old financial dealings will kill him.

5. Lastly, I've decided I'll write in Jann Wenner for my primary vote, and I'll only vote for Bill Clinton if the race in November is close.

Since I'm a registered Democrat I feel that I should support the party in these polarizing times, to show that abortion supporting, free speech advocating, young-and-on-the-fringe people are AGAINST the crap all the Republican candidates support. But to be honest I feel ripped off by Bill Clinton. That's why I'll only choose him in November if the other candidate puts up a good race, and it looks like the Reich will win.

Right now the country is focused on the Republican candidates. Nobody is running against Clinton, and as a Democrat that makes me mad. Did he do such a brilliant job that we should all support him blindly? Why is nobody else ballsy enough to stand u p and say, "Hey! I can do better that that guy!" Just because Clinton isn't getting much campaign related press doesn't mean we can forget about voting for him. In New Hampshire he got 90% of the Democrat vote - whoopee!

With no other choices for us free-thinkers, we have to support Clinton. Odds are that the Republicans will all self self-destruct and Clinton will cake-walk back for another four. That way I can still not vote for Clinton, but not have a Reich Wing running the USA in the year 2000. If the race in November is close I'll cast for Clinton, if not Yan in my man.

I've been trying to come up with a person to vote for ever since Frank Zappa died, and I've settled for Jann as a guy with a good chance. Look at his stats: over 40, an inhaler, and competent enough to run Rolling Stone for the long term.

Forbes has a plan and it sucks. It sells out the lower classes. Jann wouldn't sell us out. I'm confident enough in him I've sent him a letter explaining my feelings and suggesting that he come up with a platform.

Once he's done with his platform, Clinton better keep an eye out. I want to let a real rich Liberal, one who respects gay and women's issues, knows what the hell makes people happy (uh he does sell mucho magazines), and could actually run this hell-be nt country for a while.

Actually I'd like him to bring his big guns from the magazine too: Grieder as his Chief of Staff or even VP, Thompson as head of the CIA, and a Cabinet position for poor P.J.

If Rolling Stone ran America we would have a really good mix of folks, and a leader who as far as I know really has not done much wrong. Sure some drugs, but so what? Pat Buchanan's world upsets me, so "Jann, Jann, he's my man!" We need to show Pat where he's wrong. He won't let any gay people work for him!? I say we make one President!

Counts and I were speaking about Whatever endorsing somebody to run. Sure I'd like to say please vote for Clinton. Save us from some Republican hell. We can't let them win and we need to vote for the least painful thing, and sorry to say it's Clinto n right now.

However I'd also like to encourage you to write to Jann, let him know he has a good grass roots base of free thinkers behind him. Write to him at Rolling Stone's Main Office: 1290 Ave. of the Ameiricas, New York, NY 10104-0298. Or call and say "I'd l ike to nominate Jann Wenner for President of The United States of America, please. May I speak to his office?"

The phone number is 212.484.1616.