Issue 5 Contents


Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane. No it's...George Bush

Did you see the videotape of our goofiest president? He was dressed in an all white jump suit with a giant shiny white helmet on his acromegalic head. He looked like and old Elvis, or a young Evil Kenevil. Anyway, he's surrounded by lesser men, they are wearing green, who are Secret Service and jump instructors and George goes through his gesture sequence. "Check left," said the thrill seeking former president looking to his left and extending his left arm. "Check right," he said, making the same motions to his right. "Check up," he said extending to his full hyperthyroid height.

The problem only came when he then said "Check down," because he didn't bend at all before 8 little green guys threw the former Vice President backwards through the tiny trap door at the back of the plane. The 8 lesser men had plenty of clearance, but Bush nearly had his head knocked clean off. I'm really surprised he didn't lose consciousness.

I guess George Bush still had something to prove 50 years after his first jump...that he could bail out without killing everyone on his plane this time.

30 years his junior and wheelchair-bound like his idol FDR, Clinton had the best reaction. "I was mightily impressed!" It was really impressive.