Issue 5 Contents


Editor's Letter

Hello- Since the zine is like two months late already I've decided to condense a whole bunch of stuff we wanted to do into one long rant- so hold on tight. 1. TV TOPICS- One of the reasons we're so late is that I spend every weekend watching "Caught in Providence" on cable access. For one delightful hour Municipal Court Chief Judge Frank Caprio doles out wisdom and fines from his bench.

Knowing full well that he's on t.v. the judge hams it up a bit, but he does try to teach lessons as well. One by one they come forward to plead for mercy. The speeder, the overnight parker, the no signal people- nobody is safe from Judge Caprio. If you try to lie he knows, if you play dumb he'll catch you- and this Judge makes sure the fine fits the crime.

Of course the best part of the show is the people who are "caught in Providence" Lots of college kids, and non- English speakers make their way before Judge Caprio. Everybody tries to plead "good driving record"- the Rhode Island equivalent of a get out of jail free card- but few succeed. Occasionally an older Italian guy will come forward and try to give the Judge the "in all my years of driving I never..." but Judge Caprio doesn't play dat. He tells them they owe like three million for thirty years of speeding on Broad Street just to watch them sweat for a few before wacking them for 50 bucks.

If you've got a date in traffic court this show is a great primer. If you don't have anything to do Sat & Sun from noon to one check it our for a few laughs. **It seems that when Rhode Island Troopers give you a 'break' on a speeding ticket that they write the real speed you were going up in the corner of the ticket. So if you go to court the judge can tell that you were going 70 in a 25, even if the cop only wrote you up for doing 45 in the 25.***

Not to mention Fox canceled "Married.... with Children." Fuck Fox. Al Bundy was the man. If it wasn't for Al many wage slaves would have committed suicide. I myself watched faithfully, only because no matter how bad my life was sucking at any given moment Al Bundy was having a worse day. Thanks to Al I was always able to say "Well this ainÕt as bad as poor Al Bundy," and then pick my self up and go on. Al also stood for the common man. All he wanted was a decent wage, some hot dinner, t.v. time, and a young girl with big tits. Who doesn't? He was the American dream, as real as possible on t.v. The final "Married" had Kelly getting hitched to some slob. In the end Al called the whole thing off because the guy was a cheat and had been married like three times before. Al stood up for family- something his critics usually fail to mention. The cast didn't know it was going to be their final episode so it wasn't some teary good bye. Fucking Fox put a little "Thanks" up for a frame and that was it.

"Married...with Children" probably made over 400 million bucks for Fucking Fox- so hopefully it will begin a never ending rerun cycle some time soon. Pester Fox or your local cable company. Tell them Al Bundy is your role model, and you want to be just like him when you grow up. "Beavis and Butthead" is also done pretty soon I hear so start the VCR up. It sucks, but what can we do?

2. Whatever Artist Begins Takeover of All Media. Whatever cartoon man extraordinaire Dave Counts hasn't been able to pen anything much for this issue due to an overwhelming schedule problem. He finished #191 in the Boston Marathon. His time was 2:44:56. The Boston Globe ran a piece on him and how he trains the new kid on the block- Jonathan Riley, (Track and Field News Indoor Athlete of the Year), as well as holding down his full time PR gig. Good old Counts runs the 3 miles between training the kid and work for his own training. The New York Times also did a piece on him only this time it was about his cartoons and how they rock solid. The last message I got from him said he wanted to do a Public Access TV show- watch out 'SNL' and 'Politically Incorrect.' So Counts has been busy. WeÕll squeeze some more 'Slackerman' cartoons out of him soon.

PS. I'm Doing OK Too. I was written up as "Zine & Noted" in Folio Magazine's online site. They did a story about me and the zine. It may not be the New York Times, but I'm happy with it.

3. We Still Need Contributions Although many of you say that Whatever the Zine for Good People with Bad Jobs is a good idea, we still have problems getting bad job stories and stuff from ya all. If your job sucks write a letter to us and tell us the who, what, where, and whys of the whole deal. If I print it I'll send you some shit that record companies send us.

4. Me and Lizzy got Married. As I said the zine is really late- getting married is a big reason why. We've been posting stuff to the website, but not enough. This issue is full of reviews and stuff from the fall- some newer stuff is on the site. Many of the CD reviews and other stuff is new so don't ditch this just yet. We're planning another issue for like the end of October so keep an eye out. If we don't put wedding stuff into this issue weÕll do it in the next.

Now that I'm done with the lame excuses- thanks for checking our zine out. Let us know what you think. Send us stuff.