Correspondance with a Wannabe-Diva

One of the loudest and most self-congratulatory internet gossip columnists is Jill "The Diva" Stemple. She's at Metaverse.com and claims she updates it daily. This is rarely true and she spends a great deal of her columns discussing herself. Since she's nobody, that doesn't really make for good gossip. I felt compelled to help her understand her many transgressions in an effort to influence her to improve. To that end we cc:d her boss {who used to present excellent sleaze in a timely fashion} and some random guy for the hell of it. Below are transcripts of our correspondance. WARNING: THE DIVA USES STRONG LANGUAGE IN AN EFFORT TO MASK HER HANDICAPPED INTELLECT.

From whatever@madness.tmok.comSat Jun 20 12:19:08 1998
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 1998 16:32:44 -0400 (EDT)
From: whatever@madness.tmok.com
To: diva@metaverse.com
Cc: brad@metaverse.com, adam@metaverse.com
Subject: good gossip

good gossip is not the weekend box office returns; any yutz with a 
browser can find that shit out 

good gossip is not you complaining someone else's gossip is bad

good gossip is not Quentin Tarentino went to a bar

good gossip has nothing to do with your birthday

good gossip is not shoe statistics

good gossip is not you apologizing for not posting the sleaze on time
(we're all used to the fact you're unprofessional, self-indulgent, and 
down-right negligent when it comes to doing your job)

good gossip has nothing to do with your friends - or your inability to work 
your laptop overseas (Radio Shack employees don't sell the wrong parts 
because they're idiots, THEY GAVE YOU THE WRONG PART BECAUSE YOU ARE AN 
IDIOT and they saw you coming a mile away)

Really good gossip doesn't have spelling errors - I guess you're about as 
conversant with the spellchecker as you are with buying laptop peripherals 

please let your boss know we are tired of you and found his commentary 
far superior to the drivel you pretend to produce

Please improve or disappear

OK, perhaps the note was a little abrasive,
but did it really warrant the following reply?

From diva@metaverse.comSat Jun 20 12:17:18 1998
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 1998 16:43:09 -0400
From: "Jill T. Stempel" 
To: whatever@madness.tmok.com
Cc: brad@metaverse.com
Subject: Re: good gossip

>Please improve or disappear

Please go fuck yourself...

If you don't like it don't read it.

/Jill

Nice language, eh?  Must have hit a nerve. 
 We decided to send more mail, but from a different address.

From night@deity.loa.com Sat Jun 20 12:30:18 1998
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 10:46:08 -0400 (EDT)
From: night 
To: diva@metaverse.com
Subject: gossip

Hey, there's a rumor going around that you can't take constructive
criticism, but I'd still like to know why the sleaze hasn't been updated
in three days!

In case you couldn't tell,
 that was 
meant to be insulting.

From diva@metaverse.com Sat Jun 20 12:30:02 1998
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 14:24:52 -0400
From: "Jill T. Stempel" 
To: night 
Subject: Re: gossip

>Hey, there's a rumor going around that you can't take constructive
>criticism,

Hmmm.. why is that??  Because I tell people who write me rude e-mail to
Fuck off??  Ha ha... glad that rumor is going around.  Your e-mail,
however, is very nice.

but I'd still like to know why the sleaze hasn't been updated
>in three days!

there are a number of reasons why Sleaze is late...  A combo of attending
the Tibetan thing and being exhausted and getting a middle of the night
phone call yesterday morning telling me that my Dad is in the hospital.  My
mind has been other things and I am preparing to fly out and go see him as
we speak.  So... since you have access to the "rumor mill" please let
everyone know that is why.. I don;t know if I want to post it on Sleaze
becasue that just seems lame, but life has been a pretty lame for the past
few days...

Thanks for your mail..

/Jill

Is she an tool or what?

Below is the sleaze report that was posted after our correspondance transpired. 

CyberSleaze for Wednesday the 17th of June, 1998

edited by: Jill "The Diva" Stempel 

     APOLOGIES... IT HAS BEEN A HELLUVA WEEK ALREADY!!: I returned from the TIBETAN FREEDOM
     CONCERT early on Tuesday to discover that a very close relation had been hospitalized with serious heart problems, so I
     barely had time to unpack before I hopped on a plane and I have been in and out of the hospital for the past few days.
     Apologies for the tardiness of Sleaze, but everything was so sudden that I did not have time to make arrangements for
     someone to cover for me. But the crisis has subsided and everything looks like it is going to be fine, so today is dedicated to
     getting Sleaze back on track. I should be posting Wed, Thurs and Fri Sleaze throughout the course of the day, so keep
     checking back for the latest edition! 

Just so you know,
 she's full of shit 
again...

Correspondance with a Wannabe-Diva

OK, perhaps the note was a little abrasive, but did it really warrant the following reply?

Nice language, eh? Must have hit a nerve. We decided to send more mail, but from a different address.

In case you couldn't tell, that was meant to be insulting.

Is she an tool or what? Below is the sleaze report that was posted after our correspondance transpired.

Just so you know, she's full of shit again...

OK, perhaps the note was a little abrasive,
but did it really warrant the following reply?

Nice language, eh? Must have hit a nerve.
We decided to send more mail, but from a different address.

In case you couldn't tell,
that was meant to be insulting.

Is she an tool or what?
Below is the sleaze report that was posted after our correspondance transpired.

Just so you know,
she's full of shit again...