<%@LANGUAGE="JAVASCRIPT" CODEPAGE="65001"%> Whatever Magazine

Issue 2 Contents


Sextasy Ball: 8.14.95: The Strand

A couple of months ago we picked up the new Lords of Acid CD. The cover had naked demon chicks fucking in hell, artfully drawn by ultru-cool Coop, so we knew it was going to be worth the cash. To make a dirty story short, it turned our house into sex fest '95, and our old neighbor ended up calling the cops. Since nobody was really being OJ'd they didn't arrest us. But oral sex of any kind is still illegal in this state. Join us in the fellowship if you want to join the revolution against this fooli shness.

Members of the Fellowship are allowed privileges that we are not allowed discuss. I can however tell some of what went down at our local meeting, called the Sextasy Ball, a clever name used to lure new members into our web.

We received our free tickets for the Sextasy Ball well in advance, I was even charged with endlessly promoting the show to potential Fellowship members. I lured them in with tales of how the double bill of Lords of Acid, and My Life With the Thrill K ill Kult guaranteed an apocalyptic- end-of-the-world-dance-athon. (and probably a boner)

When Friday finally came I called in sick so I could have the day to bathe and cleanse my mind and body for the evenings events. First I slept until three. No Fellowship member should be in a state of "non-rest" at a meeting, so I got good and drunk the night before to insure proper rest time. Then I prepared a bubble bath, with all the essential additives- bubbles, water, booze, butts, and throbbing Lords of Acid music- to taunt the Demon Chicks and align myself with Lady Galore's spirit. After b athing came meal time.

Fellowship members are allowed to eat whatever they wish, as long as large quantities of both food and liquor are combined. I went for the classic red meat, red wine combo. I met up with Betty, who was a Fellowship member in the making, for the fea st. We both ate huge steaks- rare, like still bleeding; 2 baked potatoes, with tons of butter and cream cheese; corn; peas; a loaf of warm bread; three bottles of nice French wine; and two deserts each to go with some Brandy. Feeling quite recharged we smoked two of the biggest, smelly, cigars we could. The restaurant asked us to leave, and we got a big discount for agreeing to remove ourselves and our smoking habit to the out of doors. Remember, if it doesn't say no smoking CIGARS feel free to spark one up.

Because it was still early, like 8:30, Betty and I decided to get some more alcohol and try to persuade some unbelievers into accompanying us to the Ball. Betty is a very pretty girl, and she was properly sexed up for the Ball. I figured shed be a d ecent attraction to both men and women alike, and wasn't disappointed. She quickly managed to get two guys and three women to join us. Although none of them had even heard of the Lords of Acid of MLWT Thrill Kill Kult, each decided that Beth's approving words were worthy of attending. A few pints later and we were ready for the Ball.

Of course we'd missed the opening band, but who cares. When we showed up people were already lubricated and a little sweaty, and that's how we like 'em. Although most of the crowed seemed to be middle class kids on summer break, it did contain a sig nificant number of Fellowship members. I made my rounds and talked to a number of them, while Betty chain smoked butts and shopped around for some new bedroom wear.

Soon a fire spitting babe, who might be a Fmale (a guy who has some operations to change his sex but not all he needs), announced the arrival of the Thrill Kill Kult, who took the stage in their usual assault of noise and flesh. Groovie Mann, Jacky Blaque, Draven, and the whole bunch were dressed up in their best latex pants, sparkly mini skirts, and g-strings. Since they've been doing this tour since June the whole extravangaza was well rehearsed, and came off quite well. They did do lots of new tunes from their new CD "Hit & Run Holiday" (in stores Aug. 22, so go get it), but they also did some older stuff.

Although their set was less extravagant than other years, it was still full of smoke and laser lights that constantly pulsed and filled the room with that fake smoke smell of burning pop-tarts, sweet but not a great mix with alcohol. The band was in g ood form, and regularly switched singers between Groovie Mann, and the ladies. As their set went on, their clothes came off. Little by little non-Fellowship members began to get the point. "Cooler than Jesus" was of course a crowed favorite, but people were entranced by the whole thing. From the moment they took the stage the sexual tension started to get to people. Two lesbians began making out right next to me and Betty. They got a couple sitting along the wall going, and that couple got another going. Soon people gave up caring and started doing what made them feel good.

Some guy came over and begged Betty to give him an order. She balked, but quickly ordered him to fetch drinks for her and me. When he came back with two beers, she snatched them away and screamed, "Next time get shots to go with these, you should kn ow better!" They guy scampered away but brought us refills- shots and beers- three other times that night.

"Sex on Wheels" was the finale and they were gone. Sweaty people headed for the bathroom, but I stayed to watch Lady Galore's road crew of shaved muscle boys in hot pants. Those fella's take orders sooo.. well. God it must be a great job setting up for the Lords of Acid. One lucky fella even got whipped over a padded construction horse for a while we waited.

The Lords of Acid stage had a couple of nice big blowups of the Demon chicks from their new CD Cover. They stood nicely against the crucifix, and that padded little horse that people were spanked over. While the muscle boys played another guy did s ome sex poetry to announce the Presence of the Lords, who took the stage and immediately the meting came to order.

"Marijuana in your Brain" was the second song, and Lady Galore in her sexy mini skirt let it all out. She flashed her ass, taunted us, and ordered folks around. McGuinnes, and Lord T. Byron gave her a great bass and drum line to follow, while Erhan and Shai De La Luna ripped up on guitar and keyboards.

Most of the Lords set was from their new album. This is to give non Fellowship members a good chance at hearing what they'll be buying. I 'd swear that I did hear some riffs from "I must Increase my Bust", and "Rough Sex", but I can't be positive. It's really hard to take notes while you're in the middle of grinding around the dance floor.

Lady Galore really got into things by riding various stage persons around, as well as sitting on some guy's face for a while, and urging more to try to get to her. Before long about ten guys had managed to leap up on stage, every single one of them w as a sex crazed college boy, and most were taken back by Lady Galore's frank nature. Stage hands led them away, where I can't say, but probably someplace nice.

The Lords played some more, but it couldn't last forever. They finished up and Betty and I prepared to go. As we were making our way off the floor Betty's drink slave came back. He wanted Betty to humiliate him more, and maybe clean her house in th e naked if she wanted. She ordered him to the bar for a last round, and when he returned we both slammed down our shots, chugged our beers, and ordered him back for more. While he was gone Betty and I ditched him. Humiliation gets boring in a drink sla ve, and besides I was cleaning her house naked, not him.