Cleaning Toilets In Upstate N.Y.

After reading Whatever #1, I decided to write you because I have a shitty job and should be your next "Prisoner of the month." That last guy had it easy compared to my life.

First of all I'm 17 years old, and live in "upstate&quote; New York. I work all summer at a large State Park. I'm a janitor. This is the third summer I've worked as a janitor at the park.

My job doesn't suck because I have to clean up shit, it sucks because my boss treats me like shit. This bitch is the classic "Bossy Boss Bitch". We all call her "Big Mama." She's over 50, weighs at least 300lbs, and couldn't bend over to plunge a t oilet to save herself from drowning. Most of the time she sits in her office eating take-out and screaming at somebody. She never talks, she always screams.

Most of the other janitors know she's full of hot air, but I've seen her make three kids cry in two summers. She just bitches and rides new kids until they either break, quit, or kiss her butt. Only kids who kiss her butt ever make it a whole summer . She can make your day a living hell if she wants, so there's always a competition to see who can get away with the most and still be on her good side.

Personally, I've kissed her butt so much it makes me sick. I have to because I needed the job. Now that I'm broken it's a little better, but once and a while Big Mama will humiliate me to keep me in line. For a long time Big Mama had me working alongside her assistant, Wanda-the-wonder-Narc, but they couldn't catch me goofing off so they put me on mornings.

I work from 6am-2pm, with Tuesday and Friday off. God forbid that I should have two days off in a row. Some unwritten law exists that says "Park Employees shall not have a social life," so we work weekends, and of course holidays. They can switch y our days around at will, so usually when a holiday comes around, there's a power game to see who gets that day off. Because I work the early shift I'm responsible for the "Morning Makeover" on all the men's bathrooms in the park. There's a 73 year old woman who does the women's bathrooms. I hose mine down and sleep for an hour until she comes over and screams for me . (She's afraid of going inside a man's bathroom at any time.) When she yells for me I get up and pretend to be just finishing up. It never fails. Even though I get to pick up an extra two or three hours of sleep each morning, cleaning shithouses can be nasty business. Every morning there is a disaster in at least one of the bathrooms. Mostly the mess is minor, like toilet paper stuffed in the ur inals, but sometimes it can get gross. I don't know what type of person smears shit on walls for fun, but they seem to exist in fair numbers. It's a gross sight, but easily taken care of. Most bathroom bandits today seem to lack a creative mind. It's really rare to get something like an M- 80 flushed down the can. Once though somebody stuck a tennis ball into the can, and the high force flush sucked it down, fucking up the system for days, which I loved because it was one less bathroom to clean. Mostly it just pisses me off when people piss and shit all over the place. Kids are the worst, but old men stink the place up much more. If I had my choice they'd install those porta-potties all over the place and let people do what they want.

I've stayed here because I live in a small town and this is the only full time summer job I could get. My father even had to sign me up to the "Young Democrats Club" and take me to a $75.00 chicken dinner with a whole bunch of other summer state wor kers, just so I could make minimum wage cleaning toilets. I guess it's not the worst job in the world, just the worst I've ever had. I manage to keep coming back because I need the money and I can actually get away with lots of screwing off. I've been here the longest of any summer help, so I know what I can get away with. I've even got a table in the woods where I can see but not be seen- great for a quick smoke or card game. I only wish that I got paid a little more. Minimum wage sucks. I pay taxes up the butt. I barely make enough money all summer to pay for gas and insurance for the year, and I work full time almost six months a year. I drive a 1986 Chevy, so insurance isn't bad, like if I had some sports car.

Please tell people to have some respect for the guy who has to clean the bathrooms they trash. It really sucks when people make a huge mess, and it makes my day worse. If everybody would just take a piss and leave, without throwing shit all over th e place, I'd be much happier.