Correspondance

Eddie Van Halen
Premier Talent Agency
3 East 54th St.
New York, NY 10022

Dear Eddie:

I don't really mean to bother you or anything, but my mama always told me "if you don't ask- you'll never know."

Anyway check out this photo. I found this monster puke in the parking lot where I work right after you guy's started playing in the arena two blocks away. (Sorry I had to work that night too, so I couldn't attend the concert.)

Pretty nice, hunh? It looks like the guy had Alpo for dinner and tried to wash it down with a liter of Scotch.

So what I wanted to ask is this- Do you think you could help me out by encouraging fans to "Puke, Piss, and Poop Properly" when attending a VanHalen show?

I really think this would be worthwhile for you guys. By openly encouraging fans to take responsibility for their bodily waste you'll continue to be perceived as politically correct, while still being able to make plenty of shit and piss jokes.

Please let me know how you feel about this, because it really means alot to me. I'll also let you know if I hear from Roger Waters, who I'm trying to get to do a "Don't Piss on the Wall" campaign.

Sincerely,
Mike